I do not fear, that I do not know

Humans crave knowledge.  It is one of our most powerful forces in our universe.  To know how things work, to know how we may end up, these are the questions that were asked when we first looked up into the sky, and saw that we did not know.  

If I were to tell you that I do not know, would that offend you?  Does the subject matter?  If I tell you I do not know, how zeros and ones are translated into power, inside my computer?  I do not know, if my dog understands me, when I try to carry on a conversation with him.  What about black holes?  I do not know what is inside.  Pay attention to yourself, did any of those things cause you pain?

What if I tell you that I do not know if there is a Creator? I don't think anyone can hear this and not feel something.  Atheists and the faithful usually both respond to this question, though for different reasons.  But, why? Why is the belief in an afterlife so difficult for people to agree on?  More importantly, why is it even harder to disagree about it? 

Think of the night sky. You are on a mountaintop, overlooking a dark valley with an endless sea of stars above you.  Your connection to the world around you is probably welling up inside you, as you contemplate what our experience is.  We grow.  We connect, we create, we love.  We grow old, we require help, we die.  There are so many different experiences we will all have.  Most of us will never experience all of these things, but all of us will experience one thing: death.

Death is the one true unifying experience.  It is how we will know that we were alive.  But, what happens after? When I die, will I know it? When I am gone, will I remember my experiences?  Will I be able to have new experiences?  If not, will I be remembered?  We struggle with the answers to this our whole lives, even if we claim to find "peace" in what our answer is.  The truth does not elicit peace. And peace is not our normal state.  When we are alive, we should simply focus on being alive.

What if we are not remembered? 

What if everything I have done, everything I have loved, is gone from me forever?

What if my death is the last thing I will ever experience? 

These are difficult questions.  In fact, the answer is so difficult to find, that we have not found one unifying, universal answer. So far, there are many answers to these questions.  I see the atheist, who says that our experience is only temporary, and so it should be treasured.  I see the Christian, who says that our experience is eternal, and that every choice matters.  I see the spiritualist, who says that it is our intent, that will guide us.  All of these gives a purpose, all of us have hope.  For for something better, hope for something wonderful, hope for something beautiful. 

One of the problems, though, is how we disagree with each other.  Remember, humans crave knowledge.  And when the questions are difficult, we tend to become more concerned with the answers.  In this one question, more than any others, we cannot handle disagreement, and we distance ourselves from each other. Why is that?  Because, we do not have one answer.  If we crave knowledge, we do not wish to be wrong.  When we have different beliefs, if we have different outcomes, who is right?  And how can I find joy in what I know, if others think I am wrong?  

Do you know the contents of a black hole?


No, but we know they are there.

This is the part that we forget.  Our beliefs should bring us together, not separate us, not define us.  There are so many different experiences to be had.  What are some that you want?  To love, and be loved?  To grow, to understand?  Do you wish to help those around you?  Do you wish to have a family?  Do you want someone to know you?  We want a lot of the same things, as humans.  We crave connection, we crave independence.  These are things that matter.  And often, the answers we have will be the same, regardless of what we believe.

No one is remembered for what they believed.  They are remembered for what they did. And our beliefs tend to be a driving force in what we do.  This causes us a lot of stress.  We want to have meaning, and too many of us only find that meaning in the answers that belief can give.  We become disconnected from those around us, those that disagree with us.

We blur the line, between what we think will happen, ahat we hope will happen.  And what is belief, if not hope?  What is faith, if not hope?  Ok, so here we have come.  If there is a difference between our hope, and our knowledge, why does that matter?  Why shouldn't we be able to disagree?  

Well, what happens if our beliefs also tell us that there are things we must do before we die, in order to have them after?  We already know that, because the answer is so difficult, hardly any of us agree on the answers.  So, clearly, we can't agree on what must be done during our lives... or can we?  What do we crave?  Family, connection, discovery, growth. Love, hope, passion, safety.  And so many of these things, we all get from the same things.  I wish to raise children that will be a powerful and positive influence on the world.  I want to feel connection with my family, love with my partner, and hope in something beautiful. I want to treasure my experiences, because I do no know what will happen to them when I am gone.

The unknown is not permanent.  It is simply unknown.  I do not fear, that I do now know, for I am here with you now; for a moment, I do not need the answers. 

The carrots in my garden are sprouting.  So are most of the other plants, as well, but it's important to note the carrots.  Last year, my garden box was filled with peppers, and tomatoes, and peas, and... a particularly unproductive square of brown dirt where there was a noticeable lack of carrots.  

That is not to say I didn't try to goad them into growing.  I watered them frequently, I pulled the weeds up constantly around them, and tried to make sure they had the right amount of sun.  But, to no avail.  

I often find that I try to control life, and because of this, I stop it from growing.  Letting things grow, develop by themselves, this is a scary idea.  I become overly concerned with whether or not things will go as I plan, or even as I hope.  Hope is a powerful tool.  It shapes us, it pushes us.  It bring us peace.  But, hope also can be responsible for a lot of pain.  Hope can drive people apart, it can cause fear and anxiety.  

My friends, do not let your hopes convince you that now is not a wonderful place to be.  Everything that you do has meaning, and matters greatly.  Every hello you say, every time you hold your child for comfort, or your spouse for safety.  Every day you get up, and go forward, and experience your life, the moments in it.  The joys and sadness, together.  These are what define us, and what we do with them are what saves us.